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It’s Still Not Over

02 Feb

A heart-felt thank you to those who left comments on my last post. Your kind wishes meant a lot to me.

I thought, at my last post, that the miscarriage was complete. It was not. I’ve continued to pass small ‘products’ and when I saw the midwife on Wednesday, she said it sounds like I have some retained ‘products.’ Well, duh.

I was given the dreaded Misoprostol orally. In America they no longer give them the other way because a few women have died from sepsis by having them the other way. Unfortunately, they’re less effective orally, so if they don’t work, I could end up with an infection, haemorrhage, and die. Not a real win-win situation. But I figured I had a better chance of surviving a bleed than sepsis, so I asked to take them orally.

I was told if there was nothing left, the tablets would have no effect (apart from the stomach ache, head ache, dizziness, vomiting, chills, fever, bloating, and diarrhoea). Fortunately, apart from a head ache, on and off stomach ache, and dizziness that lasted 8 hours, the side effects weren’t too bad. I had some mild cramping and passed a small amount of tissue.

I don’t know if it’s finished. I was given a pregnancy test that I have to take in about a week. If it’s positive, it’ll probably mean a vacuum aspiration. Well, they may want to try the Miso again, but I’m tired of all of this. I can’t move on emotionally until this is over physically. I get up, do the minimum I need to do to get by for the day, read a few stories to my son, and then I sit and knit and watch Desperate Housewives. This has been going on for 2 weeks. I really want closure.

I try to tell myself it could be worse, I could have a disease that needs painful treatment for months or even years. I tell myself I’m fortunate, I’m still young, I can try again, this is temporary and will pass. It helps a bit, puts things in perspective, but I still need to see the end of this in order for my heart and mind to heal.

I’m hoping this week to get back to doing school. I need to get some sort of routine back. It’s difficult because I’m having other weird symptoms of I-don’t-know-what. Ever since taking the Miso, I’ve had dizziness every day. My back still hurts, my digestion is weird, my tummy is often gurgly, my appetite is poor sometimes (but I’m still managing to eat 3 meals a day), I’ve lost weight, I’m having strange niggly pains in my stomach, and I fear, my womb, and strangest of all, my feet hurt. For 2 weeks straight the soles of my feet have been hurting. And now my calves are also hurting. At night time both entire legs ache. I have no idea why.

Thankfully, my cat has returned. He sits on my lap, or next to me and chases my knitting needles. Stiggy plays and does his own thing and all the while he’s still learning. He’s been writing, reading miscellaneous things, and doing mental arithmetic. He’s been such a good boy and so understanding. And if it turns out I can’t have any more children (because if I have another miscarriage, I probably won’t try again), I can live with that.

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2 Comments

Posted by on February 2, 2009 in Family Life, Michelle

 

2 responses to “It’s Still Not Over

  1. Suji

    February 2, 2009 at 6:55 pm

    I hope it’s of some help when I say that an only kid (and I guess most other kids too) has this amazing ability to find things to do on his/ her own and learn so much from it. I hope you achieve the closure you need soon. Hang in there Michelle. It will come. Meanwhile veg out as much as you need to! Take care.

     
  2. ummraiyaan

    February 2, 2009 at 7:25 pm

    Salaam sis,

    Inna lillahi wa inna ilahi rajioun. Two sisters whom I am close to also miscarried in the last few months. Sis, be strong and know that Allah (Swt) has willed this to happen for a reason. Trust in Him (Swt). This is also a time to turn to Him. Nothing will bring you ease except Him. A true time to reflect about life and death. ‘Verily in the remembrance of Allah do the hearts find rest.’ (Qu’ran)

    Wasalaam,
    Umm Raiyaan x

     

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